i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
