guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
