my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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