I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
