I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
