im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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