i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
