ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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