just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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