I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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