So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
