the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
