all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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