I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
