No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
