Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
