yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
