I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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