I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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