There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
