Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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