I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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