Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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