One girl and one boy is just not enough.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
