dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
