yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
