i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
