all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
