doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I CAN MOONWALK!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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