R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
