oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
