I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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