I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
