how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
