my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So many bounce houses so little time
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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