I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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