he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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