i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
