at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
