a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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