I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
