I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My balls are so social today.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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