My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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