5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
