Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
