Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
