i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Randomize
