that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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