What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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