i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
