I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
