I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
