a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
