You're my little dorito
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
