i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
